When I started this blog (shades of one day past) I promised no PC. All I meant by such a promise is that I fully intend to be honest and not pull punches.

Ergo, prepare for the punch.

I saw a question by a twit(terer) yesterday asking “how do you get the most out of Twitter?”.  I propose to answer that question with the inverse: how not to get the most out of Twitter.

I read Michael Troiano’s post the other day at BostInnovation. Of many good tips, one stuck out more than any other:

Establish warmth – Demonstrate you’re not a dick. To do this, it helps not to be a dick.

Amen. Here’s the thing: when you are a dick, people can see it. No, not just when you are doing phallic things (like ranting at someone or snubbing the homeless dude on the street when there’s eighteen dollars in change jangling in your pocket)—nah, people can see it in your actions. Or inaction.

To put this in twitterspecitve:

If you are tweeting all day long about your book, but you don’t retweet anyone else’s blurbs about their books. You are a dick.

If you have 1000+ followers and only follow 31 (and your name is not John-Fucking-Grisham), you are a dick.

If people retweet your <stuff> and you never return the favor, you are a dick.

So, how do you get the most out of Twitter? I am no expert, but I’m going to make a stab at the following hypothesis:

Don’t come off like a dick. Succeeding at this can be difficult…it really helps not be a dick, as Troiano so eloquently pointed out. I am guessing there are a lot of people out there in the Twitterverse that do not intend to be dicks—and are likely not dicks in real life. They are simply 140-character challenged. Showing your true self—displaying your true love of humanity—in a sentence or two, can be onerous, particularly for a writer.

That’s why Jack Dorsey (or God, can’t remember which) invented the “Retweet” button.

Simple.

Elegant.

Quick.

Look, I am not saying “go forth and spam the shit out of your followers”. But if you ask for a RT, and get it—you might want to consider helping a brother or sister out with some #reciprocation. There is an author I follow, who appears to be rather prolific (not famous, just moderately successful, at least if you buy into his hype)—he tweets marketing blurbs for his book(s) and always asks “Please RT”. So I do. I mean look, if someone asks nicely, I was taught you do whatever they want.

Kidding. But I see no problem with helping dude out. In my opinion, that’s why a writer should be on Twitter. Not to hit on other twits, not to chat up their friends. You make a personal handle for that. If you are peering with writers, agents, reader/bloggers, etc. you are marketing. I get it.

So I retweet the guy. Or at least I did before.

Do you think he’s ever #reciprocated?

Not bloody likely.

Yes, yes, I am mashing with all my podiatric might, turning this tub of sour grapes into an unpalatable, brinish disaster.

I’m being a dick. But remember, I said nothing about the retaliatory dicks.

In my book, revenge is indeed a dish best served with God-awful, brinish wine.

So go forth and be nice to your twit followers. My prediction is they’ll be nice right back at you. And if they aren’t? Turn their wine into pickle juice.

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