67371_no_sir_i_dont_like_itIf you’re in a hurry, the short answer is EASY:

NO.

You may leave now.

There are a hundred “old adages” about money, business, etc. that revolve around the paraphrased: “If you know ’em, don’t do business with them. Don’t borrow money from friends. Don’t loan money to family. Don’t do business (or start a business) with friends. The list goes on.

But what happens when someone you never knew before becomes, for example, a client, and (because ostensibly or allegedly you have all these great inner-self, soul, heart, etc. things in common) you also become friends?

ghostwriterI am in a ghostwriting project with a co-author (and very, very good friend—who with, based on your discretion, I believe you can lift the rule because only you, in the end, know your friend/family member/etc.). We have zero problems between us. We knew that going in. We are always one the same page—always—and that makes a difference. However, that’s not where this posting goes. I am not having an issue with my co-author, business partner.

It is the client. On the side, via emails, we made a connection. Now stop right there; she’s 88-years-young. She’s feisty, ornery, can handle herself, was gorgeous in her day, and is equally pretty now. But I lost all my grandparents AND my parents before I reached 50. In fact, I don’t reach 50 until September of this year.

And it was the client who first mentioned the “kinship” she felt with me. I definitely felt it with her, too. Perhaps it was because I missed my mom, who was one of my best friends and confidants after losing my father in 1993. I was also close with my grandparents. Whatever the case, it was really nice, this business/friendship relationship. For a while. Until, actually, today.

We are a little behind on the first delivery of chapters to her. She’s not been pushy, and has been very understanding of our not wanting to send any work before its time. Yes, like fine wine, if you prefer cliche’s. But I am a commitment-driven person; my own worst critic; a mind that works at a hundred miles an hour and worries about every little detail (I would not classify myself as OCD, just a bit anal—thanks, Grandpa—and very in-tune with producing a quality product, on-time).

DeadlinesSo we are a couple weeks late (and I don’t mean that as “so?”)—no question mark. We are late. We’ve been working our tails off. And in fairness, this is a “based on true events” tale, so we have been receiving TONS of material through which we have to sift—my wonderful partner shouldering most of that load—and the client and her family have been sending us new letters, pictures, etc. right up until the end of last year, so much of the time we had to adjust the storyline or add something in or take something out. But all of this has put us, as I’ve mentioned twice, a bit behind.

So I wrote “my friend” (client) yesterday, opening up (as I would with my mom, for example) and just “let some things off my chest”. Things that had also affected the schedule, some of which began around the time we became the ghostwriters and signed the contract.

I didn’t hear back. Then another partial day went by (today). I emailed her.

“I hope I didn’t cross any boundaries,” I said. “If so, mea culpa.”

The response I got was entitled “Heartbroken”. The gist of the email was that she couldn’t believe she allowed herself to be duped by us; that all along she thought I was this kindred spirit, an honorable, good man, and I had used that farce to stall her, knowing we wouldn’t finish until much later (if ever) than we lied we would.pashtunpost_cultural_535904348

No kidding. She insulted everything from my honor to my integrity to my manhood and back again.

At first I was stunned into apologetics. Then I tried to explain I was only talking about the last “deadline” of some chapters, not the whole project (as I mentioned, we’ve been busting our humps as much as possible on this project, even though in the beginning it was a totally “moving target”). Finally, as I calmed down, I became enraged.

You see, I have a large list of pet peeves that get under my skin, but only a few cardinal rules that I live by that, when you break them, I take you down.

Disrespect? I mean real, honest-to-God questioning of my character, honor, devotion, love, or loyalty? FISH YOU. I will disown you. I will hurt you, if appropriate. I will never interact with you again.

63438-Do-Not-Tolerate-DisrespectMy cardinal rules—my creeds—are nonnegotiable. Forgive? Sure. Forget? Never. So I can, by definition, never trust you again. That’s it. (And I’m not talking about some chucklehead online disrespecting you in a flame war/comment battle—that person doesn’t really know you). If you know me—even having only dealt with me for some months, but enough that I know you know who I am, and you disrespect me?

DONE.

But what to do with a contracted client? Not done. Must write. Must write well (partly because it’s all I know how to do, partly because I still believe wholeheartedly in the story). Nothing has changed professionally. It’s all friendship shit; the kind of crap you can deal with on that level. But not with a C-L-I-E-N-T.

Doesn’t matter if it’s your brother, parent, cousin, sibling, best friend, old friend, new friend—you are in a twisted fishing deal.

Fortunately I can write. Fortunately I can write when the chips are down. Fortunately I still believe in promises, handshakes, and (not that I have a choice) contracts. I don’t need one. My word has always been my bond. (Which is why you are not going to see me anymore if you cross that line and question my integrity.)

So please, fellow writers (and potential clients). It’s B-U-S-I-N-E-S-S. Period. End of story. And if it is a friend/family member/etc. wanting to become your client or do work for you, then draw up a contract and TREAT it like a business deal. But before that, triple-check your heart of hearts first. Is this someone with whom you know you won’t have a problem? If the answer is “yes”, move on to the contract.

And check the emotions at the fishing door.

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The blank page is dead…long live the blank page.

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Rubber Chicken Arrow Through Headv2Author known to use spontaneous satire, sarcasm, and unannounced injections of pith or witticisms which may not be suitable for humorless or otherwise jest-challenged individuals. (Witticisms not guaranteed to be witty, funny, comical, hilarious, clever, scintillating, whimsical, wise, endearing, keen, savvy, sagacious, penetrating, fanciful, or otherwise enjoyable. The Surgeon General has determined through laboratory testing that sarcasm can be dangerous, even in small amounts, and should not be ingested by those who are serious, somber, pensive, weighty, funereal, unsmiling, poker-faced, sober, or pregnant.) For those who enjoy and/or revel in the utterance of profanity, the author reserves the right to substitute “fish” for “fuck” without fear of repercussion, mental reservation, or purpose of evasion.

 

One Response to Should Writers Mix Business And Friendship/Family/Pleasure?

  1. Wayne says:

    I was initially going to offer the idea that maybe she was having a bad day, but then I remembered: This is Rob. Of course he considered that. Sorry, man.

    It really sucks when this kind of thing happens. I’ve actually had a couple relationships end because of the money thing, so I know how you’re feeling. Something I would add to the adage in your post: Don’t let current friends know about what happened with previous ones. They’ll get upset that you don’t trust them.

    So, this project you’re working on, will it be credited to you & your partner, or will it be billed as only by the client? If the former, I’d still want a copy, but if the latter, I’ll pass.

    You’re a good man, Rob, and a good friend, too. Never forget that.

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