dosen_1354078562_158Someone had to say it. There are 1001 social networking sites and they all have the capability (should be REQUIREMENT) to have an avatar. Personally, nothing will ever beat an actual picture of the actual person. I mean the Internet is SO anonymous anyway, and many of us that are actually very good friends may never actually meet face-to-face, so is it really asking too much for you to put a picture of yourself on a SOCIAL networking site?

I have this theory that you can tell a true person (i.e their innate personality) by watching how they drive their car in traffic. This is what you do: imagine any of the moves, gestures, comments, looks, speeds—passing every car waiting in a huge construction line and nosing it at the very front as if their time is much more important than the thirty people who’ve been there an hour already—etc. a person does in their car but imagine them doing it to you while pushing their shopping cart in the store. How they act in the store, that’s just their façade. How they act when they THINK no on is able to actually put a face to their actions? THAT is who they really are.

no-avatar-maleQUICK THOUGHT: Can you imagine some chowderhead waltzing up to a long line of carts at the supermarket and just walking past everyone and nosing his cart into the number one position and then flipping everyone else off when they started complaining? Man, I’d end up in the penitentiary for sure. There wouldn’t be enough left of that guy to mash into a soup can.

Think about it: it’s the age old question.

If no one was watching, would you do it?

Now at this point you’re thinking “good luck bringing THAT non sequitur back to the current topic. Well, maybe I can’t. What I mean to say is, it reminds me of the same “anonymity” situation. And it’s fookin’ creepy (I’m trying to swear less so I’m going to use the Irish pronunciation of my favorite exclamation word as if that fools you into thinking I’m not a potty mouth (it was the late George Carlin who said “you can’t kid me, man: shoot is shit with two ohs.”).

gasmask_fb_avatar_by_deltamike-d48xiyxBut this is where I amaze you and TOTALLY bring it back to the topic: imagine someone walking into a bank with one of these blank avatar heads. After the S.W.A.T. team that was called in finished putting a hundred and eighty-seven holes in them, I’m betting they’d consider looking like themselves. How about a date? Hi, I’m John. I have no face.

I have to tell you, if I get a friend/follower/colleague/fook buddy/etc. invite on any network and it looks like the guy (or gal) who robbed the 7-11 down the block? Ain’t gonna happen. Show yourselves. Stop this fookin’ farce. You’d never be allowed in polite society (as if we ever had one of those) to walk around with a sack on your head.

“May I see your I.D., sir? Yep, same sack.”

5281719047_0c3fa674a4_zCome on. And just the THOUGHT of someone being so fookin’ lazy that they can’t be trouble to put a picture up? Makes me want to reach through all the internet cable between me and them and wrap every last inch around their non-existent neck.

I’ve noticed women hardly ever do it. Their method of choice is to put up a cartoon or a picture of one of their possessions.

“Hi, Frank, it’s so nice to meet you on our first date. I’m a petunia.”

I just don’t get it. We live our lives as who we are. I HATE how I look in photos. Despise it. You think I wouldn’t rather have Clooney’s chin or Pitt’s (aging) six pack (I think it’s officially down to a four-and-a-half pack)? No one likes how they look. I know GORGEOUS women who think they are plain or, worse, ugly. We all have our burdens. Be who you are. You can’t hide in society. You have to go to the bank, grocery store, work, gym, etc, etc, etc.

avatarAnd if it’s still asking too much, be a little creative. I threw in a few “faceless” avatars that I found in about twenty seconds of effort. Then at least people know you have a good sense of humor.

Even if you do look like the ass-end of a warthog.


The blank page is dead…long live the blank page.


Author known to use spontaneous satire, sarcasm, and unannounced injections of pith or witticisms which may not be suitable for humorless or otherwise jest-challenged individuals. (Witticisms not guaranteed to be witty, funny, comical, hilarious, clever, scintillating, whimsical, wise, endearing, keen, savvy, sagacious, penetrating, fanciful, or otherwise enjoyable. The Surgeon General has determined through laboratory testing that sarcasm can be dangerous, even in small amounts, and should not be ingested by those who are serious, somber, pensive, weighty, funereal, unsmiling, poker-faced, sober, or pregnant.)


4 Responses to Being No One Has Never Been “In”

  1. Two Bit Bard says:

    I’m with you, kiddo! Great post!!

  2. Caleb Pirtle says:

    Social media is the greatest thing that’s ever happened for stalkers. They can follow your every move, learn everything there is to know about you, and be absolutely faceless. It’s when they leave the computer and take to the streets that we all become frightened.

  3. Jon Mills says:

    lol “Hi, Frank, it’s so nice to meet you on our first date. I’m a petunia. Classic!

  4. Dean from Australia says:

    A while back, I entertained the idea of using a picture of the Elephant Man as my avatar…but then I just realized that was all kinds of wrong.


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