As homo sapiens—ostensibly the highest-functioning beings on this rock flying through space—we have this (somewhat strange, I’ve always believed) need to ascribe emotional significance to particular days of the year. Now some are understandable, birthdays being amongst those I do understand, but it seems every year the world (or at least the U.S.) comes up with yet another “Day” that leaves me perplexed as to what might be next.
Today, however, is my oldest (and only surviving) son’s birthday. And this one is the most significant so far. No, it’s not his 16th, 18th, or 21st. Today my “little boy” (6’5″, 225 pounds) turns 22. You might wonder what makes the number 22 so special. The answer would be nothing. In particular. The significance of this birthday is that it’s the first that we are spending as friends in six years.
I’m not here to talk about the past. Recently I heard a great analogy about the rear-view mirror and the windshield. The former is smaller because, yes, we do have to check behind every once in a while, make sure we’re on track, but the windshield to which that mirror is attached in ten times (maybe twenty) bigger. The reason for that is that the most important thing in driving (and life) is what’s ahead. It’s all out there in front of us and we need a very big window through which to view it, wonder at it, and eventually make choices based on the lay of the land.
This blog today is not a rant or a soap box or heavily-laden with opinionated words of wisdom. It’s simply to honor my son, Garret, and to give thanks (even though there’s yet another special day for that). I’m thankful my son is back in my life. Most of the reasons are too deep (and too personal) for this venue, but suffice to say that I’ve enjoyed his company since the moment he was born and that truth (thankfully) has not changed.
As we grow older, we discover that we aren’t as important to the world and to other people as we once thought we were and that others are more important to us than we were able (or willing) to admit. My son is important to me. Infinitely so. There are many out there reading this who know some or all of our story and are very happy right now. It is an added bonus when our own happiness can blend with other people’s emotions and bring them happiness as well.
So each of you, if you’re reading, if it strikes you, do me a favor and wish Garret a Happy Birthday in the comments or on his Facebook page. He’s proving to be quite the young man; a person of whom I can say I am very proud. If you’ve met him, or ever get the chance, you’ll see that he is something pretty special. I don’t take credit for that. Another thing we learn as we get older is that the best we can do is, well, the best we can do, and that people’s success and failure is ultimately within their own hands and no one else’s. My son is showing himself to be one of the best I’ve seen at taking what he has, learning from the good and the bad in life, and molding it into a life worthy of his place in this world. That’s something some of us still haven’t figured out how to accomplish.
Again, that makes me proud.
Happy twenty-second birthday, son.
And many, many, many more.
I love you.
O m'anam
Garret,
Happy B-Day. I’ve known your dad for awhile mostly professionally (not as writers) and i have now reached the point where I call my birthday an annual commemoration, but you have a long way to go before you reach that point.
Best reagrds,
Chuck
Thanks, Chuck. I miss working with people like you and Paul. Good folk. You take a bite out of that retirement every single day!! You bloody well earned it,ten times over, my friend.
Happy Birthday, Garret, and here’s to many, many more! Keep looking through that wide, wonderful windshield, and don’t forget to occasionally check your blind spot by scooting sideways on your path, slowing down, and checking to see what’s coming up behind you. You might avoid an accident that way, because you’ve got a long, winding road full of amazing adventures. Enjoy…it’s such amazing fun!
Great post about past, present and future, Rob. Glad you were able to keep a very important relationship going in a positive direction for Garret’s sake even more than yours. We parent-types have spent the time to possibly gain the wisdom, but the kid-types have still only been on this rock a short time, no matter how wise they might be.
Thank you, MKJ. It’s a delicate thing, this parent-“child” relationship. I give Garret as much (or more) credit in “keeping it going”. As we all know, it forever takes two to tango (though the watusi takes but one). Seriously, I appreciate your tuning in and keep these discussions lively and thoughtful. 🙂
Happy birthday Garret. May it be an awesome one filled with love, and laughter.
btw, Rob: My lady loves Ink. In particular, she enjoys the tests your professor set you. She tries her hand at them before she begins her nightly writing. She’s happy I bought it for her.
Well I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t humbled (and happy) about your GF and her love of INK. Honestly, that’s how I envisioned it. A handy book to use when you need to remember something important. (Short definition.) And thanks for the birthday wish for Garret. He’s really becoming a man right before my eyes.
Happy Birthday Garret!!!
Rob i ran into Garret a couple of weeks ago and was very happy to hear you two were talking.i have known you both for a long time and have had the privilege to become your friend! We had a lot of good times and a lot of fun!! so it makes me extremely happy to know you are Happy!! We do need to catch up i’d like to know how that old man in the wheel chair is doing. Here is a Irish Blessing for the both of you ” May god give you for every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile, for every care a promise and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song and an answer for each prayer” GOD BLESS !!
Your friend Bart
Well, shit, Barto. Of all the comments, yours is the one that ties past with present and you are certainly one of those people of which I spoke. Garret and I are taking it as slow as he and I are possible—you know how similar we are and how much fun we had together so it’s hard not to jump right back into that friendship and I say “so be it”. Life’s short. Way shorter than any of us know or want it to be. NOW we just have to get Rob, Bart, and the wheelchair LEGEND together for a beer. (You would think that’d be easy—well, all except finding the wheelchair bum, I mean hero). Thanks for speaking up here, Bart. You’re in that collection of Nine, whether you know it or not. (If you don’t know what The Nine are, you’re gonna have to buy me a non-Japanese beer to find out—although you have to admit, that beer was pretty damned tasty.)
Hi, Garret 🙂 Many, many birthday wishes are being sent to you from Virginia Beach.
I hope your year is filled with good grades that were easy – and that you don’t eat too many foods that are greasy;
That any work you undertake will be loads of fun – and won’t keep you from getting out and enjoying the sun;
That your year is filled with health and wealth;
Plenty of friends that have your back – and you find no girls that are whacked;
So here’s to you, Garret, first-born of my good friend, Rob – even though I’m not a poet, I tried to do a good job;
I wanted to make this ditty a little witty – inject into it a little style –
With the sincere hope it made you smile.
Happy, Happy 22nd Birthday!
Thanks, Trish. As always you add just the right touch. Especially about finding no girls that are whacked! Not that there are such things…ahem. 😉
Beautiful. I love it when family gets back together in the fold. Lord knows, I’ve been both outside forlorn and inside worrying in that scene. God bless you both and just keep chippin’ away at the past and leave it where it is. We only have today…right now. Tomorrow may not get here. There is no stronger bond than a parent and child. Cherish every moment, kiddo!! Sent a message to Garret on FB. Good for both of ye!!
Thanks, Jo. There are no fairy tales, that much you and I have discovered over our combined years (dear God let’s not add them up, okay??). It’s a two-way street. A chunk of the pride I feel is toward Garret’s growing and who he’s become (already–even he admits when he’s 25 he’ll look back on 22 and think “WTF?”). That’s what we find out, isn’t it? Life’s secret. You never know all you’re going to know. 🙂
Happy birthday to all of you. The birthday is merely a reason and an opportunity. The motivation between reuniting with your son is love, pure and simple. Within our disappointments and hopes cut down and thrown away, only love remains. It is the one ember in our lives that is never extinguished.
As always, the smartest man in the room. You’re damn tootin’….love really can be the salve that soothes, the pill that kills the pain, and the cement that bonds. And this one thing is certain: love never hurts when present and it’s damn hard to succeed without it. 🙂
Happy birthday to Garrett! So glad everything is fine now. Most of us wish we had a family that was as unconditionally loving as Rob 🙂
Were that I could accept that label, but I have failed miserably in that area, too. It’s a two-way street. No relationship ever succeeded without both people being willing to work at it. I believe in my heart that’s where it all begins. And as mentioned in Caleb’s comment, love—well, without that, the road becomes unbearable mighty darn quick. Thanks for your comment, as always, Katy. Is there anything in life more challenging than family? Not an answer, just a question. 😉
I am a bit late, but I wanted to say something too.
Happy Birthday, Garrett! Knowing how extraordinary as a person your dad is, I am sure that you must be an exceptional man. I am very happy that the two of us have reunited and have a good relationship. Here is to wish you an amazing birthday (I know, I am late), many many more, and plenty of happy moments to share with your family. All my best wishes from Spain!