I figured with 2012 Election Week upon us, tensions high, fists punching teeth down other people’s throats—oh, wait, that was something else entirely. Scratch that. But you have to admit, we are a bit of a nation divided, and there has been a lot of campaign rhetoric to swallow lately, so I thought, “damn it, someone owes it to the reading public to give them a fucking GREAT READ at a price that will reflect the problems we’re having with this economy!” So, instead of jumping up on my soap box and telling all you Obama lover’s you are devil-worshipers or all you Romney fans you need to figure out what a fucking CONDOM looks like, I decided POLITICS SCHMALITICS. And I set my first novel at ninety-nine cents.
Now those of you who read my blog regularly, well, you know I believe in 99 cents for a novel about as much as Mitt Romney believes in a Super Gulp of Mountain Dew at the local 7-11 or as much as Obama wants to come make his case to the rancher in Wyoming. HOWEVER, unlike most politicians, I really want to do something for YOU, the aching, destitute, confused, conflicted, conflated, furious, frazzled, bedazzled, and otherwise feeling like you’ve been bent over the financial barrel and beaten silly with a four-inch switch (trust me, I wanted to say something really vulgar but I know there are Mormons reading and believe me, a four-inch switch would hurt just about as much as a nine-inch dildo getting crammed up your cornhole).
So now, in honor of Election Week, and for love of Country, I say we throw down our switches and dildos and even our differences and agree that reading a damn good book by the excellent R.S. Guthrie might be just what this nation needs!!
Oh hell, what’s more AMERICAN than using someone else’s platform, disease, misery, or misfortune to make yourself a buck???
That’s why I’m offering Black Beast, my first novel, the one near and dear to my heart—the most PATRIOTIC damn book I ever wrote, for a buck. 99 cents, to be exact (I know how much Romney and Obama are counting those fucking pennies).
So come on. If you haven’t read my book yet, or if you just hate either Romney, Obama, or BOTH, stand in solidarity with me! Buy my book for a dollar and tell those politicians they can have our lands, they can have our bodies, but they can never have OUR SEXUAL PARAPHERNALIA!!!
Or maybe you’re apolitical and you don’t even give a shit. Good for you. DO me a huge favor and buy my book for a buck anyway. Because there’s one thing I can promise ALL OF YOU, whether Democrat, Republican, Independent, Teabagger, or just some person who doesn’t want to hear any more about it:
Not one red cent of what I make out of that buck will go to helping any politicians. ANYWHERE. In fact, if I run into one, I’ll kick them squarely in the ass and tell them it’s from all of us!
And I want you to remember another thing, whether you buy my book or not: it wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, and it ain’t over NOW!
Love you guys. You readers.
All ten of ya.
The blank page is dead…long live the blank page.
Election Image credit: glopphy / 123RF Stock Photo
Questions Image credit: kbuntu / 123RF Stock Photo