I’ve not been on Facebook for a while. The Twitterverse has occupied the majority of my (not so copious) free time when not writing. (Wow, I never thought I’d have to use 22 adjectives to break down my non-sleeping hours.)
Suffice to say I have never gotten so much as a parking ticket in Zuckerberg’s little fiefdom. Sure, it’s not so small, but you get the point. I am a model Netizen on Facebook. But I returned to the “other” social network with a lot more friends I had met in Twittertopia. A LOT more. Which of course meant the algorithms of Zuckerberg’s minions were inundating me with “Friend Suggestions” like a street corner crack dealer waving free samples.
So I went a bit wild. Okay, it was HOG WILD. I went on a little shopping spree for Facebook buddies. I mean here Facebook is popping up every author in the free world telling me I might just know them (the implication being that I could not live without friending them, or at least that’s exactly how my id—or ego, I can never remember which lies to us how—interpreted the kindly reminder).
But listen, in my defense, there wasn’t a friend invite that:
1) Facebook didn’t suggest (or at least imply by coaxing me into sending another related invitation)
2) Did not have AT LEAST 50+ common friends.
Seriously…at the end of my friending rampage, I had at least 100+ friends in common with any invitee to whom I reached out.
Then I heard sirens in the distance.
Apparently The Zuckerberg Police are not unlike banks, creditors, and drug dealers: they con, coax, coerce, cajole or otherwise compel you to USE and then, when you OVERUSE, bare their blood-drenched fangs and take you apart.
I mean who ever heard of requesting too many friends on a SOCIAL NETWORK?? And how the heck do the Zuckerberg Police keep a straight face (much less sleep at night) imprisoning good, honest hard-socializing folk for allegedly misusing an application that features a POKE option?
Sure, sure, I can POKE Mary before heading off to bed, but I better not want to be FRIENDS. I guess Facebook wants me to be happy with a poke and nothing more.
It’s been four days and I still cannot friend anyone. People can friend me. I suppose I should ask them for a cake with a file in it.
So if you feel sorry for me, or just want to stick it to Zuckerberg and his storm trooping developers, find me on Facebook and friend me. You can also “Like” my Facebook Author Page here. That last one won’t piss off the Z-Cops as much, but what the hey…I did write a whole blog for you.
The blank page is dead…long live the blank page.